It's that time of year again, and the to-do list might be looking quite long at the moment! It's very busy out and about, and during some time out in the stores yesterday I saw more than a few frayed tempers! A lady swore at me (in front of children) for getting in her way, and the cashier in the supermarket told me she couldn't wait for the day to end as so many people had been rude to her that day. I get it, crowded streets and shops, combined with the pressure of a never-ending to-do list form the perfect recipe for bad moods and short fuses, AND a perfect opportunity to practice mindfulness. As we go about our Christmas business, would it be possible to check in every hour or so to see how the mood is? If we find it's darkening, perhaps we could pause, take a belly breath, and remind ourselves spirit of Christmas - to share love and joy with family and friends. Make this feeling alive in your body, feel the warmth of it. Then perhaps it would be possible to soften the hard edges of anger and frustration, and see the humanity in each other - the cashier in the shop, the stranger in your way, the old lady counting out change at the till? See what a difference this attitude can have, not only for you, but for everyone. “If you can't find the spirit of the holidays in your heart, you'll never find it under a tree.” - Michael Holbrook
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Imagine the difference it would make if we took care of our mental health in the same way as we take care of our physical health. We know that brushing our teeth is important to keep them healthy and avoid fillings. We know that eating our 5 a day is going to encourage better health. We know that taking exercise will contribute to our overall health and fitness levels. Can we apply this same thinking to our mental health? Can we apply the 'An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away' principle, to our heads?
Here are a couple of suggestions for practices that are easily integrated into a day, and have a huge impact on your mental health. Choose one, or perhaps you have your own favorite practice? Do a gratitude practice. Do some relaxing breathing. Exercise in the morning. Watch your thoughts pass by. Ground using your body. "Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay." - Simone de Beauvoir Ever heard the saying “Your can’t pour from an empty cup”? We all have people in our lives that we love and care for, but life challenges can sometimes deplete our energy, making it harder to be there for our loved ones. Practising mindfulness fills your cup, so you can in turn, fill others. Also, studies have shown that moods are contagious. In 1993, an experiment in Washington showed that crime rates dropped by 23.3% due to a group practising focused meditation. http://www.worldpeacegroup.org/washington_crime_study.html So, when you practice mindfulness, you are giving to those around you, as well as yourself. Here’s a simple way to practice generosity to yourself, and others:
"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present." - Albert Camus For many moments of our waking lives we are being told by social media, advertising executives etc. what we lack, and how if we just buy X or Y we will be happier, more content, more accepted by our peers. We are susceptible to this as our brains are programmed to seek out what’s missing, it was an integral part of securing our survival as we evolved. When we practice gratitude it shifts the mind from ‘not enough’ to ‘enough’, which brings a sense of peace and calm to our lives. As it’s not the default position, we need to train our minds to be grateful—we need to practice it consciously each day. As we do so, like any muscle we train, it will begin to be stronger, and you will start to see the good things in your life more and more easily. Here's a super simple practice to help cultivate gratitude: Each night this week, jot down three things you are grateful for in your day. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are, pick anything that made you smile, or feel good inside. "I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness - it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude." - Brene Brown Non-striving means being fully present with this moment without needing to change it. This might seem counterintuitive as you may have begun to practice mindfulness as a means to get relief from depression, or anxiety, or pain. However, as we saw with the attitude of acceptance, letting go of the struggle against discomfort frees us energy, and opens up space for new possibilities to arise. Non-striving takes us out of the habitual ‘doing’ mode and puts us into the more receptive and healing ‘being’ mode. This means we can let go of the constant pressure to be responsible for every moment, and allow life to just show up, whatever form that might take.
“For example, if you sit down to meditate and you think, “I am going to get relaxed, or get enlightened, or control my pain, or become a better person,” then you have introduced an idea into your mind of where you should be, and along with it comes the notion that you are not okay right now. “If only I were calmer, or more intelligent, or a harder worker, or more this or more that, if only my heart were healthier or my knee were better, then I would be okay. But right now, I am not okay.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn Instructions for Positivity Training (You'll need a little notebook):
Our ability to scan the environment for danger has served us well in our survival and evolution. But for many of us, this ability is in overdrive, leaving us stressed, anxious, depressed, and fearful. When you think a certain way for a long time, you strengthen the pathways in your brain that run these thoughts, and it takes deliberate attention and perseverance to form new pathways. This week's practice is scientifically proven to forge new, more positive pathways in the brain, helping you be more naturally aware of the good that already exists in your life. "But listen to me. Instructions for "Spring Came":
If you are going through a tough time, take comfort in the fact that it WILL pass, time is your friend in this. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, be patient, and ask for help if you need it, company shortens the winter. "Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems." Instructions for "Life is Made of Hours and Minutes":
I just spent a little time with my parents who are 75 and (soon to be) 80, and they often comment on how fast time goes the older you get. It made me think a lot about how I spend my time, and what a valuable commodity time really is. When I am facing my 80th birthday, I want to be able to say that I spent time doing the things that I loved. At the end of the day, a life is made of hours and minutes, and what we do with those hours and minutes is up to us. "How did it get so late so soon?" - Dr. Seuss Instructions for "Getting YOUR Priorities Right": It will be helpful to set a reminder on your phone to go off once or twice a day, at different times of the day. You want the reminders to be random, and to cover many different areas of your life over the course of the week.
This is a wonderful practice to help us see what is good in our lives. For instance, you might be so used to waking up with your partner that you forget to notice what a lovely thing it is to share your life with this person. You might be so frazzled having the kids off school that you don't notice the joy that they are. Notice what's good in your life and be grateful for it. This exercise also serves to highlight where change might be needed. Sometimes it can feel like life is happening to us. We may make choices based on what is expected from us, or from what everyone else is doing. We might chose to do something because it is the 'safe' option, or because it is familiar. Or, we simply may not believe in ourselves and our power to make our own choices. Your life is yours. For the most part, you can do with it what you wish, and if you don't stop and pay attention, you may find it's too late to take that journey you dreamed of, try that career you thought you might be good at, be with the person you love, or appreciate the wonderful things that you have. If you were to look back at your life in 30 years, what would you want to remember? "I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness." |
The Weekly Minute is a blog I write each week with the aim of providing proven tools to help promote positive mental health.
The collection of short, practical mindfulness and therapy tools for self-reflection and self-improvement, can equip people to take their mental well-being into their own hands, and improve their quality of life. The Weekly Minute is posted here every Monday, or you can sign up to get it delivered to your inbox via the link below. Follow me on social media (see below) to make sure you don't miss one! Get the Weekly Minute delivered straight to your inbox, or follow it on social media!
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