In the movies change is often depicted as happening in a big transformative event, where someone has a revelation that changes their life forever, and they live happily ever after. The reality is quite different. Change is more likely to be a collection of small decisions, made over and over again.
What change will you make today? “A year from now you will wish you had started today.” - Karen Lamb
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Relationships can be really complicated, no matter if we are talking about a family member, a partner, a friend, or a colleague. When someone does us wrong, or we have a disagreement, we can get caught up in rumination over who is right (me, obviously), and who is wrong (them of course!). Sometimes we can spend hours, if not days going over and over what happened, this can have a negative effect on our mood, and our stress levels. Instead of going over old hurts, engaging in debate in our minds over right and wrong, try instead to ask: "How does thinking about this make me feel?" - If the answer is along the lines of "worked up", "stressed out", or "depressed", see if you can let it go. It's stealing your sense of peace, and nothing is important enough to do that. This doesn't mean excusing or condoning bad behaviour, if someone is treating you badly then by all means do something about it. But if you find yourself engaged in an inner battle with someone in your own head, the only person who is hurting is you, so let it go. It's an act of self-compassion. "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." - Unknown. Have you ever thought about how the information you take in is affecting your mental health? I'm noticing more and more people mention how the state of the world is getting them down, making them feel anxious and hopeless, and I've noticed the same within myself. I notice when I limit my news intake to once a day, instead of each bulletin, I feel happier and more relaxed. If we think about what we know about nutrition - we know that the body benefits from nutritional foods, and suffers under processed foods. Can we think of the mind in the same way? If we feed it a diet of fear and horror, that becomes our reality, unless we bring balance. I'm not advising people to bury their heads in the sand, it's important to know what's happening in the world around you. However, we need to balance the bad with good. There are some good news sites out there that are worth a look, such as the Good News Network, and Positive News. Other ideas would be to watch a comedy, or read a novel. If you want to go a step further, you could take some action to make change such as volunteering with an organisation that captures your heart, writing a letter to your TD about an issue that matters to you, or make a donation to a charity. Taking action combats the feelings of helplessness we can sometimes feel in response to bad news. Bring awareness to your mental diet this week, and see how it makes you feel. “One reason that cats are happier than people is that they have no newspapers.” Today is the third Monday of the New Year, and some say it's the most depressing day of the year. Most of us are still skint from Christmas until the paycheck comes in, lamenting the death of our New Year's resolutions, and dreaming of sunshine and warmth to take away the winter chill. Some say there's no such thing as Blue Monday, and I don't want to debate it's reality today, instead, I wanted to share what I like about the idea.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates
This week in The Weekly Minute, two guided grounding practices, so the winds of life (and outside!!) don't blow us away.
It's important to have a grounding practice so we feel stable and rooted within ourselves. As we know, life can be full of surprises, and change is inevitable, but if you feel grounded, you'll be more able to face challenges without falling. Think of a tree, they grow so tall and sturdy because they have strong roots under the earth. Practice these a few times this week, so you get familiar with them, and they are in your toolbox, ready for when you reach for them. “Flying starts from the ground. The more grounded you are, the higher you fly.” Have you ever noticed how much thought can go into something, and the thing itself might never get done? Maybe you had great plans for the exercise you were going to start in 2020 but the running shoes haven't hit the road yet? Maybe there's a work project you've been mulling over and over in your mind but you haven't started yet because you're unsure how to start it, or afraid won't work out? Maybe you have the January blues and you're mind is full of negative thoughts? If any of these sound like you, see if you can bring your attention to the amount of mental energy you are giving to something, without actually doing anything about it. If your thinking is constructive, such as making solid plans and acting on them, or troubleshooting an issue, all good. But, if the thinking is sounding more like a broken record, and bringing feelings of negativity, then do something. Anything. Take a walk. Chat to a friend. Get yourself out to a yoga or meditation class. Take some action around the work issue, even if you're not sure it's the right action. Do something to break the cycle of thinking, and get unstuck. Where there's movement, there's change. "Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case it's no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing." - Eckhart Tolle The best gift you can give yourself or anyone else this Christmas is to be present. When we are present, the mind can't wander into the past or the future, where worries and regrets live. Staying in the here and now allows us to connect with our lives and those in them as they are, and we often realise that life is better than we think. This Christmas, try as best you can to stay in your senses, and not so much in your head. Set a reminder on your phone to prompt you to reconnect with what is actually happening: what you can see, hear, feel, and (not forgetting the dinner) smell. :) You can also use the breath to come out of your head and into the body. If there's anxiety present, make the exhale a little longer than the inhale. Merry Christmas. “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” We can often feel like victims of time: maybe we've noticed how quickly it passes from one week to the next, or a feeling that we never have enough time in a day to get everything done, or maybe we've noticed our youth fading and how helpless we are to turn back the clock. However, time can be a friend if we learn to see it as one. Many people say they're too busy to do the things that feed them--they just don't have the time to meditate, they're too busy to do yoga, or take that walk. But, these are the very things that calm us, and take us out of stress mode. When we are calmer, we are more focused, efficient, and more resilient, leaving us in a better position to use our time well. Also, time is a healer. The only certainty we have in life is that things change, and if we allow time to do it's thing, we see how our feelings change, no feeling, either good or bad, lasts forever, and this can be a great comfort if we let it. Lastly, we can recognise that time is always on the march, and in light of that, how will you live your life? Each day counts, so what will you do today that is worthwhile? As Eric Thomas says: "Change your 24 hours and you will change your life" "Life, if well lived, is long enough." - Seneca This week's exercise requires you to be a bit of a detective in your own life. Take a fresh page in your journal or on your phone and make 2 columns, head one "Nourish", and the other "Deplete". At the end of each day, take your page and note in each column what Nourished you during the day, and what Depleted you. When considering your day, give as much weight to your internal life as your external life. For example, you might have listed Work in your "Deplete" column, but don't stop there. Were there thoughts about your work that also depleted you? Maybe you were thinking about work while you were having dinner with your family? Note these too. At the end of the week, look back and see what you can adjust so there's more nourishment in your life. If you feel stuck in terms of making changes in your circumstance (after all, we all have to work!), remember that you have control inside your head. Set an intention to be fully present at dinner with your family, so you can receive the nourishment that spending time with your loved ones has to offer, instead of allowing thoughts of work to deplete you further. If there's not much in your "Nourish" column, make a plan to add to it. You are the best equipped to take care of yourself, and you can't take care of others if you're empty. “Where is your water? Know your garden.” How we view the world is coloured largely by two things: how we feel on the inside, and our evolutionary bias toward scanning for danger. Maybe you have noticed that if you're feeling a little blue, your daily interactions and activities will tend to feel flat and dull. Or if you're feeling anxious, they may seem to be tinged with an unnameable fear. You might also have noticed how we hold on to the one negative comment but quickly forget the five positive ones. This is a genetic pre-disposition from our hunter-gatherer days, when we were constantly on the lookout for things that could eat us, and, our need to be accepted as part of the group as there is safety in numbers. These are two good reasons to not trust the first interpretation your mind offers you, and to actively seek out other ways of seeing a situation. An example might be when you send a message, and you see the two blue ticks that tell you it's been read, but your friend doesn't reply. You might instantly think: "Oh no! What did I do to offend her??" - but don't accept that. Come up with at least 2 other ways of interpreting the situation. Maybe your friend got distracted; maybe she was just about to go into a meeting; maybe her phone ran out of battery just then. If you find it hard to come up with other ways of seeing something, ask a friend to help you, or pretend a friend has asked you for help. Give it a try, and see how it feels! "In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones. That shades “implicit memory” – your underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood – in an increasingly negative direction....But you don’t have to accept this bias! By tilting toward the good – “good” in the practical sense of that which brings more happiness to oneself and more helpfulness to others – you merely level the playing field." - Dr. Rick Hanson |
The Weekly Minute is a blog I write each week with the aim of providing proven tools to help promote positive mental health.
The collection of short, practical mindfulness and therapy tools for self-reflection and self-improvement, can equip people to take their mental well-being into their own hands, and improve their quality of life. The Weekly Minute is posted here every Monday, or you can sign up to get it delivered to your inbox via the link below. Follow me on social media (see below) to make sure you don't miss one! Get the Weekly Minute delivered straight to your inbox, or follow it on social media!
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